( I'M FALLING OFF AND I NEED YOU TERRIBLY )

[specialise]

( set pre-s5, 1 year into the ring. )

[ if raven had the opportunity to make a list of all the people who she'd allow onto the ring, john murphy would most definitely not be one of them. when things are out of her control, they tend to spiral in the most disastrous ways — mom, finn, sinclair, her damn leg. maybe that's why control had been taken out of her hands when it came to the survivors on the ring.

emori sticks to her like a leech, which is both enjoyable and aggravating at the same time. it's nice to have a shadow, someone to admire her and remind her that she's still got it, that she's valuable. after murphy and emori appear to split (the walls have stopped talking, thank god), life on the ring has become an unfun game of cat and mouse — the cat and the mouse seem to try and push the raven in between them.

although she thinks she has an idea of who the cat is, it's the mouse who's beginning to become a shadow with his "quick" remarks and his unspoken offer of assistance. the easiest way to get rid of her emori-shaped shadow is to have a murphy-shaped shadow, although she's still trying to figure out how to get rid of that one.

sometimes a raven just wants space to spread her wings and feel like she's flying again, all alone with her old friend, space. it's why she has a very elaborate plan of stealthily leaving the ring and wandering into its very familiar arms.

well, stealthy's the loose operative term.

sneaking out of the mess hall, raven walks to her quarters to grab her gear for her spacewalk. she's not as quick as she'd like to be, but she gets there — sort of. it's kind of hard to enter her room when someone's leaning right against the door.

she regards murphy with a roll of her eyes. slowing to a halt, she shifts her weight to her good leg. sighing, she dryly says, ] Emori's leaving for some weird grounder training with Echo in five. Monty saved you some algae. You're welcome.

[ another thing out of her control: her empathy for murphy's unfortunate friendless and now girlfriendless plight. ]

Comments

[mofi]

[ The ring has been unusually quiet, everyone is silently grateful for that. The metal walls didn't rattle with Emori's or Murphy's constant arguing, one thing after the next. Murphy started most of them, growing aggravated each day. It was a multitude of things, piling one on top of the other.

Because, while everyone had some sort of value, Murphy sat stagnant, hovering in the background with his stupid jokes. Dry, sarcastic and never helpful. Murphy isn't an engineer, he wouldn't know how to make artificial sunlight to make algae grow. He's not a mechanic, doesn't know the first thing about maintaining any part of this skeleton of a space station.

Murphy is and always will be expendable, that's what he knows.

He could help like Emori but he's too scared of failure. He doesn't want to give anyone the satisfaction of watching him continually fuck up. Emori is different, she wants to learn. She tries so damn hard to be perfect around Raven, it's almost painful to watch. Murphy calls her out each time he's kept so much to himself that he's filled to the brim with his insecurities. Emori was his metaphorical punching bag.

But enough was enough and she had ended things, ground it with the heel of foot. Murphy was hoping, like every other time they had split, that she would change her mind. Days passed and then weeks, and then a month. And then, and then Murphy stopped counting. He stopped caring, he just stopped functioning.

It's unbearable to be around them, especially her. He felt like they pushed him away, tossed him out like garbage. And so Murphy did what he does best, run and hide. Bellamy visits him daily, even though Murphy tries to fight him off each and every time Bellamy swings around to talk to him. Bellamy is guilty, they both know this and that's why Bellamy is the only one who does show up on his side of the ring.

Something gets him out of his metal cavern, yearning for human contact. Sometimes he'd sit with Monty, not saying a word, just watched him work. When he felt like he was just taking up space, he'd drift over to Raven. The only other person to tolerate his presence.

When Raven approaches, he straightens himself. He feels his heart surge right up into his throat at the mere mention of Emori, he gulps it back down, along with his dignity. ] You're welcome [ , he asks incredulously. ] Did you have to ask him to save me some? [ Typically Bellamy would show his face when Murphy didn't slip in to take his food. That isn't the case today seeing as how Murphy has crawled out from hiding for the day. ]

You going to do another spacewalk?

[specialise]

[ she rolls her eyes immediately. ]

Believe it or not, Monty saved this for you because he's a better person than all of us.

[ that's the truth — monty green is a better human being than the others who occupy this junk of ship in space. he's kind and generous, and works harder than anyone raven's ever known — even herself. if it wasn't for him, they'd be starving, useless pods of people, and quite possibly dead.

monty sometimes puts up a very sharp front, quippy now that he's given room to talk, but he's got a heart bigger than space itself. bellamy takes responsibility for everyone on the ship, a habit ingrained from a life lived many years ago, and raven …

raven likes to think she keeps the ship functioning, however that may be.

her orange space suit is bright against the dark and dull backdrop of the ring's interior. she stands out like a burning star while murphy is merely one that's muted, dulled and slipping into the background. she supposes that's where he belongs. it's where he's tried to hide, to some success and a hell of a lot of unsuccess.

shifting on her feet, she lifts a shoulder. ] I might be. [ in the beginning, raven used to declare her spacewalks loudly and proudly. over the months, she's grown quieter, wanting to keep it close to her chest. selfish, she knows, but space has always been hers. narrowing her eyes, she studies him playfully. ] Are you going to tell on me?