pylea | ( DON'T BLAME ME, LOVE MADE ME CRAZY )

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( DON'T BLAME ME, LOVE MADE ME CRAZY )

[ yennefer has every intention of finally escaping geralt. she storms away from the roadside, uncaring if it means she now has to navigate the terrain alone until she stumbles upon a tavern and finds herself in the company of irritating people. she'll do it to spite him. yennefer's done plenty in her life to spite those around her, and she's won each and every time.

but after a good ten to twenty minutes, she slows her angry stomping. the earth doesn't quite shake beneath her feet as it did when she had spun away from him and flitted away from the roadside like the tornado he claims her to be. she begins to settle down, losing her wind. hardly regretting a moment of her own anger towards him, yennefer finds herself regretting much more.

telling geralt about her wish to be important to someone had cracked her open like the earth beneath the foot of an invisible giant. even as she tries to patch that gap so it no longer exists, a hairline fracture remains in its wake. she hates him for what he's taken from her. free will, her desire to belong—she doesn't want to be trapped in anyone's orbit but her own.

she takes a seat along thick round logs, back to the main road as she peers over the cliffside. all she sees is endless and unconquered terrain. it's looking out at the heads of trees that she decides her next plan of action. if she wants to spite geralt, she knows it's best to do it in front of his face.

she waits patiently for him to eventually arrive. she has no doubt that he won't. after all, didn't he wish for her? he's bound to find her once again.

the quiet's disrupted by the familiar clopping of roach's hooves. she listens carefully as he comes within earshot, his footfalls familiar and strong. she doesn't hear the sliding feet of jaskier trailing behind him pathetically. yennefer doesn't allow herself to feel pity for him losing jaskier. he deserved it.

she refuses to look at him, keeping her gaze straight ahead. she knows he'll stop. geralt is nothing if not inescapable. ] Did you piss off Jaskier, too? [ she scoffs, shaking her head. ] What a day you're having, Witcher.

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[ what else did she expect? geralt to say "hm, yes, you're right; i'm not serious and i withdraw my invitation"? it's far too formal and polite for him to say that. yennefer understands the meaning behind such an offer… and she wants to punch him for it. why can't he just let her hate him? ]

I can be a very poor companion.

[ while she often postures at being the best, well… whenever she's around this dolt, she feels this need to be less than perfect. ]

I often require to ride by horse than walk on foot, you know. That'll mean you'll be walking more than you might be used to.

I'll live.

[He says softly, humour just barely touching his expression. If she didn't want to, she'd just say no. He knows she doesn't mince words, doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. Not anymore, at least.]

We'll get you a horse in the next town. If we need coin, I'll take a job on the road.

Will you finally charge what you're worth?

[ she regards him with an arch to her brow.

has it always bothered her how little he charges for his efforts? of course not. yennefer is more interested in her own affairs… but she does wish that he would demand an arm and a leg for some of his bigger monster vanquishes. no one can do what he does. no one is capable—no one has the iron gut, the knowledge or the strength that he has, and yet, he charges them like witchers are common rather than as rare as dragons. geralt is worth more than the few coins he happily accepts in the palm of his big dumb hand. ]

What you earn is piss, Geralt. I'd have better chances of stealing a horse than you ever being able to afford one.

[ and you know yennefer, she's a class act. ]

Depends where we wander. How heavy the purses are.

[Which is to say, he might consider taking a higher rate from a richer man. He won't go to piddly little villages and try to haggle with them and there's no denying that.

It's never been about worth, it's been about the work. As long as he's fed, as long as he can buy new boots.

Suddenly, he's got someone else to look out for. Soon he'll have two more. Maybe they ought to be strategic about it..]

Suppose you'll need to sleep in an inn every night, too?

I'd prefer it.

[ she is, after all, a woman of class and high taste. yennefer doesn't ever wish to lie in pig's mud ever again. she wants to be far from the girl she used to be with her hunched back and her hopelessness. the further away she is from that poor hapless girl, the better.

but, stupidly, she knows that geralt would hardly bat an eyelash. the problem with being around him is that he looks at her properly. he's the first person who has ever seen her.

and yennefer is a little addicted to that.

tilting her head to the side, it takes her a moment to grant herself permission to be vulnerable. ]

But I'll sleep wherever you sleep, even if it's in a bed of mud.

[ she's still mad at you, geralt. ]

Mm.

[Geralt hums, dismissively. He's silently counting his coins in his head, thinking about the stops he knows along the way. He likes the idea of lying under the stars with Yen, bedrolls pushed together and bodies warm against each other.

But he wants better for her. The best. And he won't sleep well feeling like she's not safe.

His brows furrow, studying her curiously. Is he too confused or too scared to ask for clarification? He tries to ask, but he's got to force the words out.]

Why? Why would you? [He asks, and it's almost all he can get out.]

[ he's smart to ask that question. after everything that's happened, after everything they've been through, it's wise of him to ask that question.

she hates him for it. she wants it to be easier to shrug away the meaning of what she's said. of course, the witcher doesn't fucking let her. does anything ever get past him? she supposes he wouldn't be the witcher from rivia if he did allow things to brush by his shoulders willingly.

looking straight ahead, yennefer sighs quietly. ]

You're not as stupid as you look, Geralt. [ which is hardly stupid at all. the first time she had seen him, she knew he saw more than he let on, knew more than he'd ever tell.

she looks to him, noting the strong line of his jaw. quietly, ] You know why.

[ because she loves him. it's a choice. it's a choice that she is making, whether there be a djinn at work or not.

she just doesn't want to admit it. ]

[Geralt doesn't flinch at the remark. If anything, there's fond familiarity in her acerbic wit. It reassures him, that things can settle. That they can be the way they were, but without lies and without shame.

It feels freeing. Almost too good to be true and certainly more than he deserves. He's still reeling from the pain he felt just hours before. Feeling that he'd tricked someone so beautiful and so tremendously special into loving something like him and that he ought to have known it wouldn't end well.

It should be no surprise that for all he wants to hear that answer, it still terrifies him. It can still be taken away.

But how often does lightning strike twice?

He reaches out carefully, gently sliding his fingers over her face so they tangle into her hair while his other arm encircles her and draws her close for a deep, long, wanting kiss.]

[ yennefer wants to believe that it's the djinn wish. that this desire she has to stay near, to torture both of them with her mere presence and the way she feels less guarded and on edge in his company… she wants to blame it on the djinn. but it's merely impossible to do so when yennefer feels as she had felt so long ago when power had thrummed through her veins and tissaia had taught her how to unleash her true self.

she doesn't flinch out from his touch nor turns her head away from his. she's stupid, she knows. he's stupider simply for being a witcher. she's the most stupid one of the two of them as she lingers and pines for this stupid man.

but it's nice to be seen. yennefer doesn't think the way he sees her and doesn't look through her is a part of a djinn wish.

but as much as she wants to melt into his arms and let herself truly go, yennefer's still mad. and she isn't herself when she's kind and soft and gentle. to let him know she's still mad at him, she bites his lip. ]

[Before the bite tells him everything, the way that she doesn't fully yield to him is apparent. It disappoints something deep in him, but what she gives him is enough. Having her in his arms is enough. For now.

He grunts softly in response to that nip, but doesn't return it. Perhaps it's an act of subservience, a way to offer her gentleness as an apology for his harshness. Maybe, just maybe, he thinks it's a little hot when she's rough with him.

But he pulls his lips back, still holding her face as he looks down at her.]

What do you want from me?

[ the one question she doesn't know the answer to. yennefer really wishes he would stop asking her of things that she hasn't quite figured out for herself.

even if it isn't purposefully strategic, the placement of his hands isn't lost on her. she wants to look away and it's as if he knows that's exactly what she wants to do. it wouldn't surprise him if he knew that. geralt has paid attention to her in ways that no one ever has before.

looking up at him, she sighs softly. ] I don't know.

[ it's a truthful answer, even if it's pathetic. ]

I'd like to hate you, but you make it impossible. I doubt that's truly surprising to you, since you are an impossible man.

[It is indeed a strategic hold that keeps her where he'd like her, but not precisely where he wants her. In peak fantasy, she has her arms thrown around him too and she's slack in his arms swooning. Reality is much harder to deal with, but worth so much more.

Still, sometimes his mind gets away from him.]

First time it's done some good for me. [He retorts, softly. He's practically forcing her to look at him, but he's sheepish.]

I'd like it if you didn't hate me. If you stayed.

[ she would very much like the opposite. it'd mean being yennefer of vengerberg, the sorceress with bite and anger, actually means something. but she's soft on the inside as she had once been as a young woman despite the hunch to her back and the shape of her jaw. she's hated for a while how he's able to touch that person she thought she had buried long ago.

looking at the tip of his nose, she lifts her gaze to his. ]

Do you think I would be here if I didn't want to be here? I would be far away with Roach by now if that were the case.

[ girls have to stick together. ]

I don't know.

[He says, honestly.]

I know what you want. I can't give you what you want.

[He's not naive enough to think that she might have some particular interest in Ciri for her own gain. However, as she said, she could just as easily take Roach and leave.

He knows he ought to stop questioning a good thing, but he doesn't trust a good thing.]

[ yennefer rolls her eyes. so presumptuous! while she wants his child surprise, while she wants a child, there are things that geralt doesn't know about her. what she wants is to feel like she's in the right skin and that she doesn't need to prove herself any longer. she wants to feel free and she wants to feel confident and she wants to feel like she can finally stop hunting for what she doesn't have.

funnily enough, she's already told him what she wants. she wants to feel important. to someone, to herself, to the world. it's unachievable in some respects, but he has given her what she wants even though she's tried to throw it back in his face. ]

You seem to know a lot of things, Geralt. Do you know that you're ruining the mood?

[ yennefer may not allow him to do that. she's finally feeling good. she knows he is, too. ]

[Geralt feels his comments hang in the air as a regretful, pensive silence falls over them for what seems like the longest time.

He's not dissatisfied with her response. It's biting, but he expects nothing less. There's a reassurance in there somewhere and he takes it.]

That shouldn't come as a surprise.

[And now he'll drop that conversation like an obedient dog.]

Do you want to ride or walk?

[ she takes that as her invitation to glance at roach before peering up at him again. either it's a test or a genuine invitation… and yennefer much prefers to think of it as the latter. she and geralt never seem to play the games the sorceresses do.

she cocks her brow and smiles up at him. ] Do you trust me not to run away with your horse?

[ and leave him all alone, truly as she had previously felt he deserved. if he says no, then she'll know what her next steps should be… and it's not an answer she wants him to give her. ]

Yes.

[He answers, easily. He offers her his hand to help her up, even though Roach is a good, steady mount and would behave. It's the gentlemanly thing to do, and he likes to play at being one from time to time.]

I trust her, at the very least.

[His expression is coy, slowly crawling out of that dark, guilty space he went to not moments before.]

[ yennefer thinks it's merely an excuse to not only touch her but to put himself to work. geralt is someone she thinks always needs a task at hand. she doesn't believe for one moment he knows how to live for himself.

it's sad. he deserves to live a life that isn't filled with hunting monsters and being paid shit money.

up on roach, she brushes her fingers through the horse's mane. she likes her. she's sturdy beneath her; she feels safe, much like geralt. that's one of the many reasons why she likes roach… other than roach merely being a good, kind animal and a companion to a lonely man.

yennefer smiles down at him. quietly, ] Thank you.

[ then she bats his fingers away. ]

Roach and I think you should walk a few feet behind us. Perhaps very slowly.

[ so she can thieve her away from geralt with sweet words he can't rebuke. it's all a part of her plan to get him to smile in exasperation at her childishness. ]

Does she?

[He humours her, just barely, by asking a leading question for her set up.]

I didn't think she knew the way, nor you. You're welcome to gallop full pelt into the forest without me, you'll find the trees all look the same after a certain point.

[He cocks his head up at her, eyes lingering for a moment before he sets a hand on Roach. It's too close to Yen's hand on the reign to be coincidence, but he's being a coward.]

What do you think of our chances, Roach?

[ roach, to her credit, wisely doesn't answer. perhaps he knows she's being pitted against the two of them. yennefer would like to think she's trying to keep the peace with her soulmate and her fellow woman.

she brushes her fingers gently through her hair, purposefully touching geralt's fingers. if he's going to be a coward, she will be brave. it does make her feel nervous; yennefer does her best not to show it. she thinks her touch is welcome, but geralt, to his credit, has always been difficult to read. she thinks she's just been lucky to have read him correctly thus far. ]

I suppose you still have your use for now. I make no promises when we run out of trees, Geralt.

[Geralt snorts under his breath, which hitches when her hand runs through his hair. He feels like he'll never grow accustomed to the intimacy of it or the warmth that pools in his gut.

And, so she cannot be unsure of it, his head tilts just slightly into the touch like he's a flower leaning into the sun.

The rest of the journey is done in largely companionable silence, until they find an inn for the night. Geralt leads Roach to the stables, stopping and extending his arms to help Yen down from her perch atop the horse.]

We should stop for the night.

[ although she's perfectly capable of unhorsing herself, yennefer does accept his help. she's allowed to be a romantic every now and then… and geralt makes her want to embrace one, especially when he invites her to with his rather uncharacteristic gentleness.

she doesn't let go of his hand.

arching the brow slightly in expectance, she lifts her gaze to his. ] Separate rooms?

[ yennefer hopes not. while she's still mad at him, she doesn't particularly want to be left alone in an inn when he's so near.

being near geralt is so complicated. ]

[Geralt doesn't let go, but he's also doing everything he can to avoid eye contact as he does. He needs to, eventually. He can't very well walk in holding hands with her. They'd look like fools.

He just wants a moment, breathe in her smell and pretend it's real.]

No. [He answers, quickly. That's not quite what he meant to say.]

Seperate beds? Suppose you'll be wanting a bath?

Yes.

[ although yennefer is as vain as they come, she knows she smells like utter shit. after the fight, after the mountainside, all the walking… she wants to feel clean and to scrub the day off. her feelings feel convoluted and sticky, and she wants to feel fresh. ]

I smell like shit. And while I sometimes like smelling like you, this isn't the scent I want to go to bed with.

[ she smiles at him, although she purposefully forces it. she's well-aware she's insulted him.

and she hasn't corrected him about the beds. she doesn't like that idea, being separated from him like that. even after everything.

fucking geralt. ]

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