pylea | ( DON'T BLAME ME, LOVE MADE ME CRAZY )

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( DON'T BLAME ME, LOVE MADE ME CRAZY )

[ yennefer has every intention of finally escaping geralt. she storms away from the roadside, uncaring if it means she now has to navigate the terrain alone until she stumbles upon a tavern and finds herself in the company of irritating people. she'll do it to spite him. yennefer's done plenty in her life to spite those around her, and she's won each and every time.

but after a good ten to twenty minutes, she slows her angry stomping. the earth doesn't quite shake beneath her feet as it did when she had spun away from him and flitted away from the roadside like the tornado he claims her to be. she begins to settle down, losing her wind. hardly regretting a moment of her own anger towards him, yennefer finds herself regretting much more.

telling geralt about her wish to be important to someone had cracked her open like the earth beneath the foot of an invisible giant. even as she tries to patch that gap so it no longer exists, a hairline fracture remains in its wake. she hates him for what he's taken from her. free will, her desire to belong—she doesn't want to be trapped in anyone's orbit but her own.

she takes a seat along thick round logs, back to the main road as she peers over the cliffside. all she sees is endless and unconquered terrain. it's looking out at the heads of trees that she decides her next plan of action. if she wants to spite geralt, she knows it's best to do it in front of his face.

she waits patiently for him to eventually arrive. she has no doubt that he won't. after all, didn't he wish for her? he's bound to find her once again.

the quiet's disrupted by the familiar clopping of roach's hooves. she listens carefully as he comes within earshot, his footfalls familiar and strong. she doesn't hear the sliding feet of jaskier trailing behind him pathetically. yennefer doesn't allow herself to feel pity for him losing jaskier. he deserved it.

she refuses to look at him, keeping her gaze straight ahead. she knows he'll stop. geralt is nothing if not inescapable. ] Did you piss off Jaskier, too? [ she scoffs, shaking her head. ] What a day you're having, Witcher.

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And you have.

[ that's what yennefer would prefer, in all honesty. she wishes that she was lost to him, but since he waltzed into that orgy and had been the only bulky man she saw, she's known she'll never truly be rid of him. like vermin.

vanity, pride, smugness and being absolutely difficult and contradicting are traits yennefer has happily adopted. what she wants to do is spin a web around him until he's confused and walking unsteadily right off a cliff, but yennefer finds that the more she spins her web, the closer she tugs him to her.

he's so fucking frustrating that way. ]

For the moment, I'm not lost. [ it's her choice that she's not lost. everything is always yennefer's choice. ] But the moment Roach deems that I'm fit to be her rider, I will be long gone.

[ yes, she does realise what she's saying: the impossible won't happen, and therefore she won't be gone. ]

[Yennefer is frustratingly difficult to understand and yet, very simple. If she didn't want to be here, she wouldn't be. She doesn't do what she doesn't want to do. She'd have wandered alone, aimlessly for hours before seeking him out if she were truly done with him.

She's fucking frustrating, that way.

His expression softens somewhat and he looks down and ahead. There's a ghost of a smile on his lips but it's not quite shining through. Best play that one close to his chest.]

And what's next for you? What's your grand plan?

[ her grand plan was initially to fuck off and leave him all by himself, curse him to a slow, painful death (obviously leaving roach and jaskier out of it), and then…

well, she has no idea what happens after that momentarily gleeful murder. but the idea of geralt dying painfully slow is upsetting in a way that she dislikes. if he's going to die, she wants it to be via her sitting on him. (she's very simple.)

in reply, she shrugs, keeping her gaze up and away from him. if she looks at him, she feels like she loses. ]

Continue my search for a loophole. [ she refuses to give up; it's not in her nature. she glances at him then, shaking her head. ] I anticipate you're preparing some rousing speech about how there are no loopholes, but everything has one.

[ look at her standing here right now. the loophole had been her stupid heart. ]

[Geralt stares at her for a moment, like he might've been planning a rousing speech but now he's definitely not going to do it specifically because she's called him out on it.

That's not entirely the case, because it forces him to listen to her as well. He's quiet as he considers it, maybe there is a loophole. The one he cheated out of destiny. Ciri.

He can and will deny it, but that he's bound them both to himself seems a ridiculous coincidence and it seems comforting to him to think that it's not him they need but each other. A child without a mother and a mother without a child and he's.. Well. He can be around.]

Come with me. [He should probably say where he's going.]

To Cintra.

[Yeah, that's all he's got for her.]

[ yennefer cocks a brow before she lets out an incredulous laugh. when the punchline doesn't hit, she stops smiling incredulously and furrows her brows instead. ]

You're not serious.

[ except whenever geralt talks, he means it. nothing he says is to make sound (like jaskier) or try and challenge her in ways she thinks she's not ready for (like tissaia). she's quickly learned that geralt doesn't talk shit. he puts up with a lot of it from plenty of people, including her, but he's never been one to dance around and lead her astray. sometimes, yennefer wishes he did—it'd make trying to hate him a lot easier. ]

You can't be serious.

[ despite her attempts to try and figure out why he can't be serious, she knows he's serious. fuck geralt. ]

I am.

[And he knows by now that she can read him like a children's book, so she's being incredulous because what he's said is absolutely ridiculous and now they both know it.

But he still doesn't care.]

I need to find her. The girl. I want you to come with me.

[ what else did she expect? geralt to say "hm, yes, you're right; i'm not serious and i withdraw my invitation"? it's far too formal and polite for him to say that. yennefer understands the meaning behind such an offer… and she wants to punch him for it. why can't he just let her hate him? ]

I can be a very poor companion.

[ while she often postures at being the best, well… whenever she's around this dolt, she feels this need to be less than perfect. ]

I often require to ride by horse than walk on foot, you know. That'll mean you'll be walking more than you might be used to.

I'll live.

[He says softly, humour just barely touching his expression. If she didn't want to, she'd just say no. He knows she doesn't mince words, doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. Not anymore, at least.]

We'll get you a horse in the next town. If we need coin, I'll take a job on the road.

Will you finally charge what you're worth?

[ she regards him with an arch to her brow.

has it always bothered her how little he charges for his efforts? of course not. yennefer is more interested in her own affairs… but she does wish that he would demand an arm and a leg for some of his bigger monster vanquishes. no one can do what he does. no one is capable—no one has the iron gut, the knowledge or the strength that he has, and yet, he charges them like witchers are common rather than as rare as dragons. geralt is worth more than the few coins he happily accepts in the palm of his big dumb hand. ]

What you earn is piss, Geralt. I'd have better chances of stealing a horse than you ever being able to afford one.

[ and you know yennefer, she's a class act. ]

Depends where we wander. How heavy the purses are.

[Which is to say, he might consider taking a higher rate from a richer man. He won't go to piddly little villages and try to haggle with them and there's no denying that.

It's never been about worth, it's been about the work. As long as he's fed, as long as he can buy new boots.

Suddenly, he's got someone else to look out for. Soon he'll have two more. Maybe they ought to be strategic about it..]

Suppose you'll need to sleep in an inn every night, too?

I'd prefer it.

[ she is, after all, a woman of class and high taste. yennefer doesn't ever wish to lie in pig's mud ever again. she wants to be far from the girl she used to be with her hunched back and her hopelessness. the further away she is from that poor hapless girl, the better.

but, stupidly, she knows that geralt would hardly bat an eyelash. the problem with being around him is that he looks at her properly. he's the first person who has ever seen her.

and yennefer is a little addicted to that.

tilting her head to the side, it takes her a moment to grant herself permission to be vulnerable. ]

But I'll sleep wherever you sleep, even if it's in a bed of mud.

[ she's still mad at you, geralt. ]

Mm.

[Geralt hums, dismissively. He's silently counting his coins in his head, thinking about the stops he knows along the way. He likes the idea of lying under the stars with Yen, bedrolls pushed together and bodies warm against each other.

But he wants better for her. The best. And he won't sleep well feeling like she's not safe.

His brows furrow, studying her curiously. Is he too confused or too scared to ask for clarification? He tries to ask, but he's got to force the words out.]

Why? Why would you? [He asks, and it's almost all he can get out.]

[ he's smart to ask that question. after everything that's happened, after everything they've been through, it's wise of him to ask that question.

she hates him for it. she wants it to be easier to shrug away the meaning of what she's said. of course, the witcher doesn't fucking let her. does anything ever get past him? she supposes he wouldn't be the witcher from rivia if he did allow things to brush by his shoulders willingly.

looking straight ahead, yennefer sighs quietly. ]

You're not as stupid as you look, Geralt. [ which is hardly stupid at all. the first time she had seen him, she knew he saw more than he let on, knew more than he'd ever tell.

she looks to him, noting the strong line of his jaw. quietly, ] You know why.

[ because she loves him. it's a choice. it's a choice that she is making, whether there be a djinn at work or not.

she just doesn't want to admit it. ]

[Geralt doesn't flinch at the remark. If anything, there's fond familiarity in her acerbic wit. It reassures him, that things can settle. That they can be the way they were, but without lies and without shame.

It feels freeing. Almost too good to be true and certainly more than he deserves. He's still reeling from the pain he felt just hours before. Feeling that he'd tricked someone so beautiful and so tremendously special into loving something like him and that he ought to have known it wouldn't end well.

It should be no surprise that for all he wants to hear that answer, it still terrifies him. It can still be taken away.

But how often does lightning strike twice?

He reaches out carefully, gently sliding his fingers over her face so they tangle into her hair while his other arm encircles her and draws her close for a deep, long, wanting kiss.]

[ yennefer wants to believe that it's the djinn wish. that this desire she has to stay near, to torture both of them with her mere presence and the way she feels less guarded and on edge in his company… she wants to blame it on the djinn. but it's merely impossible to do so when yennefer feels as she had felt so long ago when power had thrummed through her veins and tissaia had taught her how to unleash her true self.

she doesn't flinch out from his touch nor turns her head away from his. she's stupid, she knows. he's stupider simply for being a witcher. she's the most stupid one of the two of them as she lingers and pines for this stupid man.

but it's nice to be seen. yennefer doesn't think the way he sees her and doesn't look through her is a part of a djinn wish.

but as much as she wants to melt into his arms and let herself truly go, yennefer's still mad. and she isn't herself when she's kind and soft and gentle. to let him know she's still mad at him, she bites his lip. ]

[Before the bite tells him everything, the way that she doesn't fully yield to him is apparent. It disappoints something deep in him, but what she gives him is enough. Having her in his arms is enough. For now.

He grunts softly in response to that nip, but doesn't return it. Perhaps it's an act of subservience, a way to offer her gentleness as an apology for his harshness. Maybe, just maybe, he thinks it's a little hot when she's rough with him.

But he pulls his lips back, still holding her face as he looks down at her.]

What do you want from me?

[ the one question she doesn't know the answer to. yennefer really wishes he would stop asking her of things that she hasn't quite figured out for herself.

even if it isn't purposefully strategic, the placement of his hands isn't lost on her. she wants to look away and it's as if he knows that's exactly what she wants to do. it wouldn't surprise him if he knew that. geralt has paid attention to her in ways that no one ever has before.

looking up at him, she sighs softly. ] I don't know.

[ it's a truthful answer, even if it's pathetic. ]

I'd like to hate you, but you make it impossible. I doubt that's truly surprising to you, since you are an impossible man.

[It is indeed a strategic hold that keeps her where he'd like her, but not precisely where he wants her. In peak fantasy, she has her arms thrown around him too and she's slack in his arms swooning. Reality is much harder to deal with, but worth so much more.

Still, sometimes his mind gets away from him.]

First time it's done some good for me. [He retorts, softly. He's practically forcing her to look at him, but he's sheepish.]

I'd like it if you didn't hate me. If you stayed.

[ she would very much like the opposite. it'd mean being yennefer of vengerberg, the sorceress with bite and anger, actually means something. but she's soft on the inside as she had once been as a young woman despite the hunch to her back and the shape of her jaw. she's hated for a while how he's able to touch that person she thought she had buried long ago.

looking at the tip of his nose, she lifts her gaze to his. ]

Do you think I would be here if I didn't want to be here? I would be far away with Roach by now if that were the case.

[ girls have to stick together. ]

I don't know.

[He says, honestly.]

I know what you want. I can't give you what you want.

[He's not naive enough to think that she might have some particular interest in Ciri for her own gain. However, as she said, she could just as easily take Roach and leave.

He knows he ought to stop questioning a good thing, but he doesn't trust a good thing.]

[ yennefer rolls her eyes. so presumptuous! while she wants his child surprise, while she wants a child, there are things that geralt doesn't know about her. what she wants is to feel like she's in the right skin and that she doesn't need to prove herself any longer. she wants to feel free and she wants to feel confident and she wants to feel like she can finally stop hunting for what she doesn't have.

funnily enough, she's already told him what she wants. she wants to feel important. to someone, to herself, to the world. it's unachievable in some respects, but he has given her what she wants even though she's tried to throw it back in his face. ]

You seem to know a lot of things, Geralt. Do you know that you're ruining the mood?

[ yennefer may not allow him to do that. she's finally feeling good. she knows he is, too. ]

[Geralt feels his comments hang in the air as a regretful, pensive silence falls over them for what seems like the longest time.

He's not dissatisfied with her response. It's biting, but he expects nothing less. There's a reassurance in there somewhere and he takes it.]

That shouldn't come as a surprise.

[And now he'll drop that conversation like an obedient dog.]

Do you want to ride or walk?

[ she takes that as her invitation to glance at roach before peering up at him again. either it's a test or a genuine invitation… and yennefer much prefers to think of it as the latter. she and geralt never seem to play the games the sorceresses do.

she cocks her brow and smiles up at him. ] Do you trust me not to run away with your horse?

[ and leave him all alone, truly as she had previously felt he deserved. if he says no, then she'll know what her next steps should be… and it's not an answer she wants him to give her. ]

Yes.

[He answers, easily. He offers her his hand to help her up, even though Roach is a good, steady mount and would behave. It's the gentlemanly thing to do, and he likes to play at being one from time to time.]

I trust her, at the very least.

[His expression is coy, slowly crawling out of that dark, guilty space he went to not moments before.]

[ yennefer thinks it's merely an excuse to not only touch her but to put himself to work. geralt is someone she thinks always needs a task at hand. she doesn't believe for one moment he knows how to live for himself.

it's sad. he deserves to live a life that isn't filled with hunting monsters and being paid shit money.

up on roach, she brushes her fingers through the horse's mane. she likes her. she's sturdy beneath her; she feels safe, much like geralt. that's one of the many reasons why she likes roach… other than roach merely being a good, kind animal and a companion to a lonely man.

yennefer smiles down at him. quietly, ] Thank you.

[ then she bats his fingers away. ]

Roach and I think you should walk a few feet behind us. Perhaps very slowly.

[ so she can thieve her away from geralt with sweet words he can't rebuke. it's all a part of her plan to get him to smile in exasperation at her childishness. ]

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