pylea | ( DON'T BLAME ME, LOVE MADE ME CRAZY )

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( DON'T BLAME ME, LOVE MADE ME CRAZY )

[ yennefer has every intention of finally escaping geralt. she storms away from the roadside, uncaring if it means she now has to navigate the terrain alone until she stumbles upon a tavern and finds herself in the company of irritating people. she'll do it to spite him. yennefer's done plenty in her life to spite those around her, and she's won each and every time.

but after a good ten to twenty minutes, she slows her angry stomping. the earth doesn't quite shake beneath her feet as it did when she had spun away from him and flitted away from the roadside like the tornado he claims her to be. she begins to settle down, losing her wind. hardly regretting a moment of her own anger towards him, yennefer finds herself regretting much more.

telling geralt about her wish to be important to someone had cracked her open like the earth beneath the foot of an invisible giant. even as she tries to patch that gap so it no longer exists, a hairline fracture remains in its wake. she hates him for what he's taken from her. free will, her desire to belong—she doesn't want to be trapped in anyone's orbit but her own.

she takes a seat along thick round logs, back to the main road as she peers over the cliffside. all she sees is endless and unconquered terrain. it's looking out at the heads of trees that she decides her next plan of action. if she wants to spite geralt, she knows it's best to do it in front of his face.

she waits patiently for him to eventually arrive. she has no doubt that he won't. after all, didn't he wish for her? he's bound to find her once again.

the quiet's disrupted by the familiar clopping of roach's hooves. she listens carefully as he comes within earshot, his footfalls familiar and strong. she doesn't hear the sliding feet of jaskier trailing behind him pathetically. yennefer doesn't allow herself to feel pity for him losing jaskier. he deserved it.

she refuses to look at him, keeping her gaze straight ahead. she knows he'll stop. geralt is nothing if not inescapable. ] Did you piss off Jaskier, too? [ she scoffs, shaking her head. ] What a day you're having, Witcher.

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By all means, if you've got something to say to her you can pretend I'm not here.

[He says it with a soft snort, but it's still cold. His heart aches from the conversation just moments prior and he's still not sure what her game is. He'd felt some finality in her words and this is giving him a dangerous hope that she may not have meant them. That she may not want to be rid of him.

The thought of it fills him with such relief, he feels foolish walking in tandem alongside her and not just pulling her close and kissing her.

But he refrains.]

Thought I'd never see you again.

[ if yennefer's being honest, she has no idea what her game is, either. why does she want to talk to him? he'd made a wish that has bound them together and made her feel as though everything she's felt isn't real… but there's an annoying, niggling voice in the back of her head that questions it. could a djinn truly make her feel comfortable in his presence? magic's intricate enough, but she doubts it can fake something like that. ]

I thought the same.

[ it's the least she could do, giving him this inch. yennefer wants to push him down the cliffside―it's within her rights as his… whatever she is, whatever she was—but she keeps her hands balled by her sides and ignores her desire to grip his hand and insist that she's only holding it to ensure he doesn't get lost. ]

I want it to be clear you haven't upset me, Roach. [ she looks to his horse and gives her a small smile, eyeing him from the corner of her eye. ]

I wonder if she has experience being utterly pissed at someone in particular yet wanting his company all the same.

[Geralt is walking along carefully because he is acutely aware that might find himself toppling down the cliffside if he doesn't watch what he says.

He accepts the response silently, choosing not to say anything that might make her think he doesn't appreciate the fact that she's here on some level. It's strange to go from thinking you'll never see someone again to seeing them almost immediately after.

Such is the wish he made, he supposes.]

It's how she spends most of her days. [He eyes her back, without looking directly at her.] We seem to get along fine.

Hm. Do you?

[ there is nothing like the relationship between geralt and roach. it's something yennefer envies, how he has someone—even if it's a horse—who is always by his side, who will always be there for him. she supposes that's become geralt for her… as much of a pain in the ass as it is to admit it. she wonders if that comes from the wish or if it's merely the universe handing her an oaf.

it's all confusing, trying to discern what's a wish and what isn't. it was easier when yennefer had wanted to blame him for everything. ]

I didn't want to tell you… [ she looks at him then, chin tilted upward defiantly. ] but Roach did inform me of a few things. Her dislike of you, for one. You snore—loudly.

[If anyone else tried to drive a wedge between himself and Roach, he might react less fondly. Somehow, it's exactly what he needs to melt the ice between them and it draws a soft chuckle from him.

The look he gives her for the briefest moment is disgustingly fond, then it falls to the road ahead of them again when he realises what he's doing.]

Good of her to hide her obvious disdain from me for so long. [Bitterly? No.]

She'll miss my snoring when she hears you, collapsed into bed after polishing off a flagon of wine.

[ with her head tilted upward, she teases, ] I am as silent as the night.

[ which is hardly the truth. yennefer makes noises—not as deep nor as annoying as very loud snores, but noises are noises all the same—but she knows that despite ridding herself of her hunched back, she doesn't sleep still. always moving about, kicking people (namely geralt, sometimes on purpose, too) in bed. geralt never seemed to mind. she wants to hate him for it.

for her story to work, geralt's snoring is the worst. ]

It's all right that you can't simply admit that. You are, after all, very loud with your footstep. Sometimes I think a rather unattractive storm is approaching.

Silent as the night during a thunderstorm. [He growls it out, but he's in good spirits. She doesn't really snore and he knows it, he also knows he sleeps well next to her no matter what sounds she makes or how she moves. He'll fit into whatever cramped position she allows, which is probably why he snores.]

Unattractive? [That's what he's choosing to focus on.] I'll take that from you, I'll not hear it from Roach. Couldn't sneak up on a cockatrice in a storm with her hoofbeats.

Very unattractive. [ she looks at him then, giving him a quick once-over. ] Hideous, even.

[ yennefer hardly finds geralt hideous. while others may think his golden eyes are unattractive, she thinks that they are beautiful. it's what makes him unique… other than his rather stubborn personality, ability to get under her skin, and his talent for making her want to be one of those suckers who comes back for more. ]

Roach simply hasn't had the heart to tell you the truth. She's scared.

[ so is yennefer. ]

[Geralt is aware by now that if Yennefer thought he was hideous, she wouldn't waste a moment on him. She's a lot of admirable things, but she's petty and vain and he knows it.

As such, her insults might as well be compliments. They're not hurting him, they're endearing him and he's playing into her hand again. That's what irritates him more than anything else. His mouth twists briefly and he looks ahead, not at her.]

You said I'd lost you.

And you have.

[ that's what yennefer would prefer, in all honesty. she wishes that she was lost to him, but since he waltzed into that orgy and had been the only bulky man she saw, she's known she'll never truly be rid of him. like vermin.

vanity, pride, smugness and being absolutely difficult and contradicting are traits yennefer has happily adopted. what she wants to do is spin a web around him until he's confused and walking unsteadily right off a cliff, but yennefer finds that the more she spins her web, the closer she tugs him to her.

he's so fucking frustrating that way. ]

For the moment, I'm not lost. [ it's her choice that she's not lost. everything is always yennefer's choice. ] But the moment Roach deems that I'm fit to be her rider, I will be long gone.

[ yes, she does realise what she's saying: the impossible won't happen, and therefore she won't be gone. ]

[Yennefer is frustratingly difficult to understand and yet, very simple. If she didn't want to be here, she wouldn't be. She doesn't do what she doesn't want to do. She'd have wandered alone, aimlessly for hours before seeking him out if she were truly done with him.

She's fucking frustrating, that way.

His expression softens somewhat and he looks down and ahead. There's a ghost of a smile on his lips but it's not quite shining through. Best play that one close to his chest.]

And what's next for you? What's your grand plan?

[ her grand plan was initially to fuck off and leave him all by himself, curse him to a slow, painful death (obviously leaving roach and jaskier out of it), and then…

well, she has no idea what happens after that momentarily gleeful murder. but the idea of geralt dying painfully slow is upsetting in a way that she dislikes. if he's going to die, she wants it to be via her sitting on him. (she's very simple.)

in reply, she shrugs, keeping her gaze up and away from him. if she looks at him, she feels like she loses. ]

Continue my search for a loophole. [ she refuses to give up; it's not in her nature. she glances at him then, shaking her head. ] I anticipate you're preparing some rousing speech about how there are no loopholes, but everything has one.

[ look at her standing here right now. the loophole had been her stupid heart. ]

[Geralt stares at her for a moment, like he might've been planning a rousing speech but now he's definitely not going to do it specifically because she's called him out on it.

That's not entirely the case, because it forces him to listen to her as well. He's quiet as he considers it, maybe there is a loophole. The one he cheated out of destiny. Ciri.

He can and will deny it, but that he's bound them both to himself seems a ridiculous coincidence and it seems comforting to him to think that it's not him they need but each other. A child without a mother and a mother without a child and he's.. Well. He can be around.]

Come with me. [He should probably say where he's going.]

To Cintra.

[Yeah, that's all he's got for her.]

[ yennefer cocks a brow before she lets out an incredulous laugh. when the punchline doesn't hit, she stops smiling incredulously and furrows her brows instead. ]

You're not serious.

[ except whenever geralt talks, he means it. nothing he says is to make sound (like jaskier) or try and challenge her in ways she thinks she's not ready for (like tissaia). she's quickly learned that geralt doesn't talk shit. he puts up with a lot of it from plenty of people, including her, but he's never been one to dance around and lead her astray. sometimes, yennefer wishes he did—it'd make trying to hate him a lot easier. ]

You can't be serious.

[ despite her attempts to try and figure out why he can't be serious, she knows he's serious. fuck geralt. ]

I am.

[And he knows by now that she can read him like a children's book, so she's being incredulous because what he's said is absolutely ridiculous and now they both know it.

But he still doesn't care.]

I need to find her. The girl. I want you to come with me.

[ what else did she expect? geralt to say "hm, yes, you're right; i'm not serious and i withdraw my invitation"? it's far too formal and polite for him to say that. yennefer understands the meaning behind such an offer… and she wants to punch him for it. why can't he just let her hate him? ]

I can be a very poor companion.

[ while she often postures at being the best, well… whenever she's around this dolt, she feels this need to be less than perfect. ]

I often require to ride by horse than walk on foot, you know. That'll mean you'll be walking more than you might be used to.

I'll live.

[He says softly, humour just barely touching his expression. If she didn't want to, she'd just say no. He knows she doesn't mince words, doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. Not anymore, at least.]

We'll get you a horse in the next town. If we need coin, I'll take a job on the road.

Will you finally charge what you're worth?

[ she regards him with an arch to her brow.

has it always bothered her how little he charges for his efforts? of course not. yennefer is more interested in her own affairs… but she does wish that he would demand an arm and a leg for some of his bigger monster vanquishes. no one can do what he does. no one is capable—no one has the iron gut, the knowledge or the strength that he has, and yet, he charges them like witchers are common rather than as rare as dragons. geralt is worth more than the few coins he happily accepts in the palm of his big dumb hand. ]

What you earn is piss, Geralt. I'd have better chances of stealing a horse than you ever being able to afford one.

[ and you know yennefer, she's a class act. ]

Depends where we wander. How heavy the purses are.

[Which is to say, he might consider taking a higher rate from a richer man. He won't go to piddly little villages and try to haggle with them and there's no denying that.

It's never been about worth, it's been about the work. As long as he's fed, as long as he can buy new boots.

Suddenly, he's got someone else to look out for. Soon he'll have two more. Maybe they ought to be strategic about it..]

Suppose you'll need to sleep in an inn every night, too?

I'd prefer it.

[ she is, after all, a woman of class and high taste. yennefer doesn't ever wish to lie in pig's mud ever again. she wants to be far from the girl she used to be with her hunched back and her hopelessness. the further away she is from that poor hapless girl, the better.

but, stupidly, she knows that geralt would hardly bat an eyelash. the problem with being around him is that he looks at her properly. he's the first person who has ever seen her.

and yennefer is a little addicted to that.

tilting her head to the side, it takes her a moment to grant herself permission to be vulnerable. ]

But I'll sleep wherever you sleep, even if it's in a bed of mud.

[ she's still mad at you, geralt. ]

Mm.

[Geralt hums, dismissively. He's silently counting his coins in his head, thinking about the stops he knows along the way. He likes the idea of lying under the stars with Yen, bedrolls pushed together and bodies warm against each other.

But he wants better for her. The best. And he won't sleep well feeling like she's not safe.

His brows furrow, studying her curiously. Is he too confused or too scared to ask for clarification? He tries to ask, but he's got to force the words out.]

Why? Why would you? [He asks, and it's almost all he can get out.]

[ he's smart to ask that question. after everything that's happened, after everything they've been through, it's wise of him to ask that question.

she hates him for it. she wants it to be easier to shrug away the meaning of what she's said. of course, the witcher doesn't fucking let her. does anything ever get past him? she supposes he wouldn't be the witcher from rivia if he did allow things to brush by his shoulders willingly.

looking straight ahead, yennefer sighs quietly. ]

You're not as stupid as you look, Geralt. [ which is hardly stupid at all. the first time she had seen him, she knew he saw more than he let on, knew more than he'd ever tell.

she looks to him, noting the strong line of his jaw. quietly, ] You know why.

[ because she loves him. it's a choice. it's a choice that she is making, whether there be a djinn at work or not.

she just doesn't want to admit it. ]

[Geralt doesn't flinch at the remark. If anything, there's fond familiarity in her acerbic wit. It reassures him, that things can settle. That they can be the way they were, but without lies and without shame.

It feels freeing. Almost too good to be true and certainly more than he deserves. He's still reeling from the pain he felt just hours before. Feeling that he'd tricked someone so beautiful and so tremendously special into loving something like him and that he ought to have known it wouldn't end well.

It should be no surprise that for all he wants to hear that answer, it still terrifies him. It can still be taken away.

But how often does lightning strike twice?

He reaches out carefully, gently sliding his fingers over her face so they tangle into her hair while his other arm encircles her and draws her close for a deep, long, wanting kiss.]

[ yennefer wants to believe that it's the djinn wish. that this desire she has to stay near, to torture both of them with her mere presence and the way she feels less guarded and on edge in his company… she wants to blame it on the djinn. but it's merely impossible to do so when yennefer feels as she had felt so long ago when power had thrummed through her veins and tissaia had taught her how to unleash her true self.

she doesn't flinch out from his touch nor turns her head away from his. she's stupid, she knows. he's stupider simply for being a witcher. she's the most stupid one of the two of them as she lingers and pines for this stupid man.

but it's nice to be seen. yennefer doesn't think the way he sees her and doesn't look through her is a part of a djinn wish.

but as much as she wants to melt into his arms and let herself truly go, yennefer's still mad. and she isn't herself when she's kind and soft and gentle. to let him know she's still mad at him, she bites his lip. ]

[Before the bite tells him everything, the way that she doesn't fully yield to him is apparent. It disappoints something deep in him, but what she gives him is enough. Having her in his arms is enough. For now.

He grunts softly in response to that nip, but doesn't return it. Perhaps it's an act of subservience, a way to offer her gentleness as an apology for his harshness. Maybe, just maybe, he thinks it's a little hot when she's rough with him.

But he pulls his lips back, still holding her face as he looks down at her.]

What do you want from me?

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