i can never leave the past behind;

[descendent]

ALL OF THE GHOULS COME OUT TO PLAY
THE VAMPIRE DIARIES | copied and secretshame | TVD: pre-series. | where jenna becomes responsible and elena takes ten steps backward only to move five paces forward.

The last thing Elena hears is laughter. She had been laughing in the car with Mom and Dad, sitting in the back seat as they approached the bridge. And then -

What comes next is a blur. Elena's entire memory is groggy; she feels sluggish and slow, like a broken doll that's been put together with superglue but still is missing little vital pieces. When she comes to, it takes seven seconds for her mind to flicker into action, properly identifying the room as a hospital room. The itchy sheets that feel too thin to be her own between her fingers are those that dress the beds in the hospital she hasn't seen since she broke her arm at the age of fourteen. And, even then, she never saw these sheets; it was when Jeremy had severely injured himself that she was introduced to them.

Elena's hand goes immediately to her head. An IV is lodged into her vein. She moves awkwardly, tilting her head around to grab a sight of something identifiable. Where's the car? Where are her parents? She keeps looking for them, but she can't see their familiar figures standing at her bedside. Her mother's warm touch, her hand grasping her own, is missing. Elena feels ice settle in her chest.

The attempts to lift her head so she's not lying flat leads to her vision being blurred and a spinning in her sight. Everything is better if she stays horizontal. Her attempts only saw her head lift slightly from the very thin pillow; she doesn't feel strong at all. It's as if someone's drained her of all of her energy. She doesn't even know if anyone else is in the room, but she needs to be able to find her voice. If she can't, then this is all a dream she's experiencing while sitting in the backseat of her parents' car.

Her voice is croaky and soft when she says, "Why am I in the hospital?"

Comments

[descendent]

Elena cracked a grin. Jenna was someone who didn't take anyone's crap, regardless of who they were, and that's the one thing she always admired about her aunt. Her hair was the other.

"Well, if it means anything, I'm really glad you're our guardian," she gave Jenna a kinder smile, one that was far away from John Gilbert. "I feel a lot calmer. A bit confused, and I'm ... still processing, but I'm glad you're here." No offense to Uncle John, of course, but he wasn't a very calming presence. He was commanding and forceful, and also very silent and detached. Jenna was commanding and forceful herself, but there was something different about her way of going about it than John's.

Elena found herself playing with the hospital blanket in an attempt to distract herself, and in an attempt to downplay her confession. If Jenna didn't want to be their guardian, she didn't want to guilt her into it. But she wanted to know that she was grateful for her presence, no matter how short-lived it happened to be.

[secretshame]

Elena's words did help a little bit and Jenna offered a small smile in return. Unsure of how to respond to all of these positive words, she ducked her head a little and focused on reaching for Elena's hand just to have something to hold onto.

"Like I was going to let Jackass Uncle John be your legal guardian," she replied with a roll of her eyes as she lifted her head again. "Besides... your mother would never have forgiven me."

And that was also the truth of the matter. Miranda would have been extremely upset with Jenna if her sister had denied guardianship, and even though Jenna had thought of it at first, she figured it meant something that she'd eventually taken it anyway, once she'd weighed the options.

"Do you want me to stay the night with you?"

[descendent]

Elena curled her fingers with Jenna's. She liked the bridge she was creating with Jenna. It was something that felt familiar, but a little bit different. Her aunt reminded her of her mother, but in a way that was brighter, a little less restricted by how she wanted her children to perceive her.

Yes. It was on the tip of her tongue, ready to burst, but Elena had to swallow down the eager shout she knew would escape from her lips. She wanted Jenna here. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want Jenna to leave. But she wasn't sure if it was what Jenna wanted, or what was good for Jeremy, but she knew that if she were left alone to her own thoughts that she may crumble.

"I'd really like that," Elena said, softly. She was nodding her head a little. She meant it. She wanted to be selfish in this instant. She didn't want anyone else in this very moment. "I don't want to stay here alone. I'm not the biggest fan of hospitals."

[secretshame]

Jenna had had little reason to care about how anyone felt about her - or at least children-sized "anyone" - before this, so it didn't matter very much that their relationship was going to be different. In the long run, this difference would be better for her. Jenna didn't want to be a replacement for Miranda, after all.

"Then I'll stay," Jenna answered with a small smile. "I may have to plead school work later on and go get my thesis notes, but... I'll make sure it's really quick, okay?"

After that, she would stay as long as Elena wanted her to. Or before it. Jenna really didn't want to do her schoolwork today. Not that she ever did, but that was entirely beside the point.

[descendent]

"I don't want to take you away from school," Elena said, a tad hopelessly. The fact was, she would end up doing that, anyway. Jenna was changing her entire lifestyle for them. The least she could do for her aunt was try and make it somewhat normal for her. Her staying in school was important, so if Elena could lessen the burden, maybe keep an extra eye on Jeremy, then she would.

The fact was, Elena wanted this all to be as normal as it was yesterday. That way, she could imagine her parents weren't gone, that her world wasn't shattered to its very core.

Elena took a moment, glancing down before looking back up to make eye contact. Sincerely, she said, "Thank you, Jenna. You don't know how much it means to us that you'd do this." She wanted to believe that Jenna was doing it because she wanted to, not because she had to.

[secretshame]

"Hey, you're more important than my thesis and if my professor doesn't understand that, he can deal." It was the truth, honestly, and even though Jenna might worry a little bit about it, she needed to make sure Elena and Jeremy were doing okay first and foremost. Otherwise... they might get taken away from her and she didn't want that.

With a hesitant smile, Jenna reached out to gently and carefully push back a piece of Elena's hair. "You're my family. I'm not gonna leave you with someone else." Or with the only other family they had, Jackass Gilbert. That was the last thing she wanted and she would do whatever it took to make sure that never happened.

[descendent]

It took a moment for Elena to react physically to Jenna's comment with a small nod. Her comment left Elena feeling like she'd been hit with something large and fast. She felt as though she'd lost her family the moment the notion of her parents being dead had been uttered. With them both gone, that meant she and Jeremy's lives were up in the air. Jenna didn't owe them anything, although Elena suspected she felt as though she owed her mother (and it was a tiny suspicion, as Elena liked to think the best of everyone) and she was selfishly glad for it.

There was a great thick blanket of guilt drifting over Elena as they slowly went back and forth over the idea of Jenna taking on more responsibility than she had to. If she hadn't been at that party, if she had've just listened to her parents, then Jenna would be able to focus on her thesis tonight, Jeremy wouldn't be so broken, and Elena would feel like she was falling to pieces underneath Jenna's small touch.

She blinked, but felt the tears start at her eyes again. She glanced down for just a moment in an attempt to collect herself. With a nod, she quietly said, "Thank you, Jenna. Really." And she'd try and help her out as best she could, because if it wasn't for her, none of this would be happening right now.

[secretshame]

Jenna would be lying if she tried to say she didn't care anymore about all of this responsibility. In all honesty, she was terrified - and what she wouldn't do to be able to go get high right about now to distract herself from everything - but she had an obligation to Elena and Jeremy now. Cravings and responsibility to her school be damned; her niece and nephew needed her. They were far more important.

She just... didn't quite know how to comfort them yet. Elena wasn't acting as confident as she always had. Jenna knew she must have been taking the accident very hard. She searched for something else to talk about, something that wouldn't depress them both.

"...Why don't you tell me about school? How're things going? How's cheerleading?"

A distraction would help, right?

[descendent]

A distraction would help. It seemed as though Elena's mind wasn't quite up for the task, though. Talking about cheerleading made her think of Mom and how she joined to follow her footsteps. Elena shrugged, "Caroline's running us into the ground. But it's the same as it's always been."

Cheerleading was a topic she didn't quite want to venture into. Jenna wanted to know about school; Elena figured she could at least prepare her for what was to come. She didn't think she'd have any problems integrating back into school life after this, but she knew that Jeremy liked to pretend everything was fine. He was the problem child, the one who didn't follow in everyone's footsteps like Elena did, and she worried what would happen in specific situations with specific people if he was pushed too far. "Mr Tanner's really got it in for Jeremy, though."

[secretshame]

Preparations would certainly help. Jenna wanted to know what she was getting herself into. Well, part of her wanted to know. The rest of her was terrified of it and what she had to deal with regarding Jeremy. Not really sure what else to do, she let Elena guide the conversation.

"What do you mean?" she asked, frowning at the mention of some guy named Tanner. She'd have to look at the list of teachers, too, and prepare for Parent / Teacher nights. Oh great. Jenna paled slightly at that thought.

Why was she doing this, again? Oh right, she wasn't letting Jackass Gilbert get his hands on the kids.

[descendent]

"He's hard on everyone," she tried to clarify. Singling Jeremy out was probably not the best of ideas she'd had so far, but she knew that she couldn't ignore her concern for him. Tanner had the ability to break the toughest person down into tears. She could handle him on her case, for her sloppiness at completing homework and the set readings, but she didn't quite know if Jeremy could take any more beatings than he already had.

She shrugged, trying to phrase it in a way that would achieve what she didn't wish to convey; singling Jeremy out. "Jer's sensitive. And Mr Tanner ..." She sighed. She was really kidding herself thinking she wasn't as sensitive as Jeremy post-all of this. Not quite meeting Jenna's eyes, Elena continued after a few beats, "He just knows what buttons to push."

[secretshame]

That clarification didn't really make Jenna feel any better about all of this, but she pursed her lips and nodded anyway. "Okay. I'll deal with it." Somehow. She still wasn't sure how they were going to manage all of this, but somehow they would have to.

She was terrified of the responsibility, but what was more frightening was the idea that she could fail them and then lose them. If she had anything to say about it, that wouldn't happen. Adulthood. Right. She could do this.

"He'll be okay. And so will you."